How to teach your kids about positivity.

Teaching our children to have a positive attitude is one of the best gifts we can give them. We can’t ensure where life will take our children, but we can give them the tools they need to deal with anything that life throws at them.

1. Let them feel all feelings:

Ironically, in order to teach kids to be positive, you need to allow them to have all of their emotions.

When we try to quash our children’s feelings, it can exacerbate an already tense situation. It’s really frustrating when you are feeling down to have someone tell you why you shouldn’t feel that way or even tease you out of your mood.

Children will be sad, mad and frustrated. This is all a part of life. Allowing them to feel their feeling is the first step in helping them move past them.

Kids need practice getting themselves out of their low mood themselves. Life is full of ups and downs, sometimes you can’t even explain it yourself. But allowing yourself to feel all moods helps you cope better.

It’s not helpful to say to yourself, “What’s wrong with me? Why am I in such a bad mood!” It’s better to be kind to yourself and say, “I’m just feeling a bit low today. I better take it easy; I’ll pull out of this funk soon enough…”

It’s the same with kids. We can help them validate their feelings and only then encourage them to look for the good.

Allowing for all of our feelings can motivate your child to look for the good in the situation.

“It’s sad when we lose our toy. After we have cried for a bit, and get our sad feelings out, let’s find something to help us feel better.”

“It’s tough when our friend cancels are playdate…it’s okay to be sad. When you are done, let’s try to find something to do to pick up our spirits.”

“Oh boy! You are really frustrated! There’s no more cereal left. Let’s think of another breakfast option.”

2. Happiness Training:

If your kids are constantly in a bad mood or often frustrated, teach them ways to maintain their equilibrium. This should be done when both you and your child are calm.

“When we are sad. There are a few of things we can do:

• get a hug
• listen to happy music
• cuddle with our stuffed animal
• jump on the trampoline.”

You can also try out the different options with your child. Ask them what they think will work best for them when they are in a bad mood.

3. It’s all in what you say:

Your speech affects your attitude. This also applies to your self-talk, the way you think about your everyday lives. Be cautious about what you say, even to ourselves.

For example:

My kids are driving me crazy!/My kids are lively and energetic.

I can’t handle this!/Just a few more hours until bedtime- I got this.

I’m exhausted!/ I need a break/rest

4. Affirmations:

Affirmations are repeated phrases or statements that can change your daily thinking and help you develop new positive neural pathways.

Some examples for parents are:

1. I am doing the best I can for my child.
2. I love my child[ren] exactly as they are.
3. Challenges are an opportunity for growth.
4. I can be patient.
5. I am the parent my children need.
6. I love being a parent. It’s okay to feel frustration at times.

It may seem silly but they work! Talking to yourself in a positive, confident way trains you to feel more positive and confident.

5. Avoid “Stop” and “Don’t”:

Another way to improve your use of language is to avoid using stop or don’t when talking to your kids:

Instead of “Stop asking me so many questions!” say: I have to think about all the answers to these questions. It might take a while.

Instead of “Don’t grab my hand!” say: I like it when you hold my hand gently, like this…

6. Positivity is a choice:

Be a role model for a happy attitude. Life can throw us curveballs, but you have a choice in how to deal with it. As Abraham Lincoln said, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” 

According to Jewish thought, happiness is a moral imperative. Moods are contagious. When you are sad and negative, you drag others down, causing others to be unhappy. By being happy you encourage, uplift and inspire those around you. This obviously impacts your family directly.

7. Ask Children to Find the Positives

Happiness and positivity can be taught explicitly. Either at dinner or bedtime ask your kids:

• “What was the best thing about school today?”
• “Can you tell me one good thing that happened to you today?”

8. Praise your kids for positive thinking:

Reinforce your children’s good behavior. What you mention, you strengthen.

You can say:

“You were really angry at Sarah. Then you remembered that she has given you her candy and that made you calm down.”

“You were getting really upset over not getting your favorite ice cream. Then you said, ‘It’s okay, can you get my favorite flavor next time?”

Give these tips a shot and over time watch how you’re words and actions cultivate a positive attitude in your kids.